superponies

 Oh My Gosh.
Today, I figured out that I am suffering depression.
*gasp*

...no,
I'm actually serious. I came home crying, and my mom had a loooooong talk with me.
I asked her what was the point of living?
And why is life so important..
And that I am practically a failure. 
[shit like that..]
Then she summed up that I was more mature for my age and depressed.

yeah.
I dont know what to say.
It's like, for example.
All my friends and classmates, basically kids my age are only worrying about 'boys, cliques, and the latest fashion trend'...
I, on the other hand, think about my future, my career, what was I meant to do in this world, things like that.
Really. I usually pretend to have fun and stuff with my friends.... but secretly, I've always wondered what was the point of all of this. 
Does it really matter about the clothes you own? Like, is it going to affect your life, in possibly, the next ten years?
No.
Does it really fuckin matter about the people you've gossiped about behind their backs, is that going to make your whole life a lot better?
No.
Friends come and go.

I just sometimes fuckin feel so lonely.
That is why I pretend.

-
I really wish I didnt,
I just don't know how... not to pretend.

All I know is to be a failure. 

.....And tomorrow is the first day of school. How lovely.

Today was the first second day of orientation.
The whole grade went to some park to do some 'bonding' activities..
yeah... >__<
There were quite a LOT of people... about 120 students? (well, it's a big number for me, the most kids I've ever had in a grade was about 60...)
We all went to a park which reminded me a lot like Greenkill. [there were cabins.....just like camp.]
I made a few new friends...um, aquaintances today.
I'm not too sure I could call them friends... yet.
They were all really nice.... well duh.

Yeah, different from my old friends.... actually, I still want to hang out with them because I really missed them over the summer....
They just get boring sometimes... well, one of them especially... 
I don't know, she sometimes gets on my nerves... just a teensy-bit.. so, I want to hang out with new people, I guess. 
[Because for the past eight years, I've been with the same 60 kids......ugh...]

We were divided into these 10 groups, each with two seniors as our 'peer-leaders'
None of my old friends were in my group....(this usually happens, I figure)
There were about 4 old kids aka survivors, and the rest were new, all in total, 11 kids.
Yeah.
It was....um, okay. I guess,
I really wasn't that close to any of them.... ( I made new friends later on..)
I liked my peer leaders though, Nika and Peter. They both were really kind and down-to-earth, 

-We're suppose to meet them once every cycle in our schedule...-

The groups basically did activities that involved teamwork, nothing I've never done before...

So, at the end of the day, I guess I could say, I'm looking forward to high school... i hope.
.... I just don't wanna jinx it. :]

&nbsp;...Sadly, I am one of them.

Hello,.
Today was the first day of orientation. [For some apparent reason, we have a THREE-DAY orientation... >__<]
That's right folks, I'm heading into high school this year.
-as the shy, quite freshman-
*shudders*

I thought it would be just lovely to keep a record of how I survive high school.
....but I personally don't think I will. 
Oh well, if I do, 
This is living proof.
...wait, but this blog isnt alive... or is it? [[ha ha ha..]]
okay.

About 50 new kids recently came to our school, and now our grade has just doubled.
(as you can see, my grade is pretty small....)
Anyways, it was a bit odd to see all the new faces, but I felt relieved to finally see my friends...

"I pushed through the doors, walking into the cafeteria,
All these new faces, new voices, chattering, giggling, arguing,
I suddenly felt that my stomach had dropped to my knees,
My face was hot and I knew it was burning,
All my confidence was gone, nothing left but self-consciousness..
I actually felt really uneasy,
It seemed like this year would be a long one."

...As you can see, I'm not really that great at writing blogs yet, so I apologize to whomever reading this which is hopefully, no one.